Here is the rest of the story and believe me, it is ridiculous!
Last October, I somehow convinced my husband to let us enter our 15 month old into a pageant. I justified it as a "family outing" and "innocent fun." Look, I've seen the pageant shows and I can't believe there are actually looney mothers who give their 4 year olds Starbucks to keep them "peppy" and others who go so far as to TAN THEIR 3 YEAR OLD WITH A TANNING LIGHT but I am not like those parents!
I told myself I wouldn't care if she got an award (though inside I just knew she would walk away with the equivalent of the grand supreme title). I refused to buy a new outfit and decided between two dresses she already had hanging in her closet (a HUGE step for me), I even had her wear a headband that went with *gulp* another outfit. I told myself I wasn't taking it seriously, I was dressing her in hodgepodge for goodness sake!
Being new to the pageant circuit I really had no clue what I was doing. I should have done some research, but I am an impulse/ADD type of gal and when I want to do something I just jump in. We showed up exactly on time and Toby and I were both giving each other the "I don't know about this" look. The area of town was not exactly what I had pictured in my head. The pageant was at a childcare center and it wasn't long before we realized there was no AC inside. Still, we kept going. We walked up to register and filled out the forms. The lady at the desk asked me if I wanted to pay extra money for the superlatives category (best smile, eyes, personality, etc.) or the "back to school" fashion show. I smiled nicely and let her know we would just be competing in the main event.
I saw her flip through a notebook of contestant numbers and hand me #17. I thought it was a little odd she skipped 4,5,6, etc. and went straight to 17. I thought she was probably just cuing the judges that THIS little princess was the decided winner and their scores should reflect that. I mean HOW IN THE WORLD could this little face not win?
When we got to the holding area for all the girls in her division, I sized up the competition and made small talk with the moms. It was then I realized I was the ONLY ONE who hadn't signed up for the superlative category. I panicked a little but reassured myself it didn't matter and actually talked myself out of running and signing her up last minute. After about 20 or so minutes the pageant director came in to give a run through of what to expect. She told us the judges were looking for personality, smiles and stage presence when deciding the winner. I was a little nervous about the smiles part because Leighton can be a tad serious but it was her dress, her headband, her FACE, that I thought would be the deciding factors! I really had no time to over think because it was time to line up (in order of contestant numbers) backstage.
Again, I thought it was a little weird that we were #17 since there were only 5 other kids in her age division. I brushed off my thoughts again and lined up as told. It wasn't until I realized we were at the very end of the line for ALL of the children in the pageant (not just her division and the number before us was 14) that I realized something was wrong. I rushed to find the pageant director and quickly explained the situation. She was not the person who had assigned me the number and told me to get behind the last contestant in her division (we should have been #6). She went out to tell the judges about the mishap and before I knew it we were ready to go on.
Here's where the REAL story begins or at least the comedic portion...
First of all, Leighton was a pro. She smile, waved, even blew a kiss to the judges. She was a total doll! The emcees, on the other hand, not so much...
**Let's just pause for a moment while I take you back to those forms I told you I filled out at registration. One form was labeled the emcee form. It included information about your child; name (Leighton), favorite food (blueberries), pets & their names (chihuahua named Amos), etc. Simple enough, I filled out the form and turned it in.**
Now, back to the pageant...
We walk on stage (Leighton being her adorable self, me by her side) and I hear the emcee announce this is LEEEEEton lastname (it's LAYton) and that she has a pet CHINCHILLA named AMOOSE. I froze and looked at the girl. Seriously, was she illiterate? Really, what 15 month old has a pet CHINCHILLA?? Amooose?? Who can't say AMOS? It was comical, you can't make this kind of stuff up!! I made eye contact with my husband in the audience (he was filming this, we have proof of the girl's illiteracy) and we just gave each other a look.
I wish Toby would have caught a picture of my face but he didn't. I DO have pictures of the emcees but to protect myself from being sued for slander (though I do have truth as my defense) I left those off. I also left out any pictures of the other contestants. They were cute because ALL children are cute but none could compare to our little Leighton :) You will just have to take my word on it.
We waited for what seemed like an eternity (remember there was no AC) and then they called us back on stage for the award presentation. I was a little taken a back to see the crown was made of foam sheet (where were the rhinestones??) and the sashes were written on with a paint marker. (This pageant was spiraling down and fast!!!) They announced the superlatives and back to school winners first and I tuned out since we didn't compete in those categories. Next they announced the overall winners...I listened with butterflies as they announced third place, runner up and then THE WINNER. None of which were my precious girl :(
When I finally snapped out of my disbelief that Leighton hadn't won ANYTHING I quickly turned my eyes to the winner and was shocked to see the SLEEPING 6 month old in her mother's arms. Did you get that? The winner was asleep! Remember the judges discussing the winner would be based on STAGE presence, SMILES and PERSONALITY? The overall crown went to the INFANT (she also got best eyes but that really is just icing on the cake in comedy-land). I seriously could.not.believe.my.eyes.
We left the pageant feeling bummed and headed out for milkshakes and hamburgers to help our bruised egos (fattening foods don't do this for you?). We talked about "what in the" had just happened, laughed and rolled our eyes. Toby kept calling the pageant "Busch League" (as in Nascar) and that really made me laugh. After I realized how much NOT winning had bothered me I quickly decided I was becoming an "eeeek" looney stage mom! We made a decision that pageants were not for us and informed our princess that she was "retired" until further notice.
We took her to the beach a couple of days later as a consolation prize for all of us. Who needs a foam sheet crown when you look like this?
You know, looking back, I really think where we went wrong was not paying extra for Leighton to be in the superlative category. All the winners in every division were in the superlatives and I can assure you IF we ever decide to do this again I am going to pay for everything!!! Yes, I just admitted I would buy my child a crown, lol. Maybe, I'm not ready to enter back into this "world" just yet. To this day, I still have no clue what caused the #17 debacle but if nothing else, we have had a LOT of laughs as a family and a great story to share with Leighton when she is older. As reeeeeeediculous as it all was, it is pretty funny!
This is such a funny story! Definitely worth hearing again.
ReplyDeleteoh my gosh, everrrrry time I laugh out loud thinking of this :) :) LEEEEEton with the pet chinchilla, amooose hahahaha!!!!
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